How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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