..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
