I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize