whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
