Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
