these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
