also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
