if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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