I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
