Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
