Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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