TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
