Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize