I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
