call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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