I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize