I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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