My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
