How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
