Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I could fuck to npr.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
