just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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