and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
