So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
