guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
