jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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