Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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