You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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