I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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