Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dicks are not precious.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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