Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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