Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
