once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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