Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
