i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
