Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
