I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Come share oat with me in your robe
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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