Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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