I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
