So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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