Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
