Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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