No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
