Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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