I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
