No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
