If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize