hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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