Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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