I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize