Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
