I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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