My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
