how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
