She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
