chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
