Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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