This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
