I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
