I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize