i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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