It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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