it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
