May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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