They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
