Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
