Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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