WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
