i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
