Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
