Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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