Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
