My liver just broke up with me...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
