jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that's an acceptable place to lick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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