Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
