You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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