hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
