:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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