he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
