True but thats because hes a fetus.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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