the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
