are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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