Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
