you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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