you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
