I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
