his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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