You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
