just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
