dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How does one acquire holy water?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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