i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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