Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
