smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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