The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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