I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
