whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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